Text: Ephesians 4:24-27
By: ITSEGHOSIMHE, CHARLES
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BACKGROUND
Have you heard about Alexander, the Great?
Alexander, the Great is a mighty general, who conquered kingdoms, exploded with anger toward one of his best friends, Clitus. They were friends as young boys. Clitus served as a general in Alexander’s army. One day, Clitus had too much to drink and insulted Alexander in front of the soldiers.
In the heat of rage, Alexander took a spear and threw it at Clitus, one of the best friends, the spear found its target, and Clitus was killed.
Following the death of his friend, Alexander went into severe depression. Guilt overwhelmed him. At one point, he even tried to kill himself with the same spear that killed Clitus, but his men prevented it.
Alexander’s despair made him physically ill. He lay in bed and called out the name of Clitus day after day. He could not get the murder of his friend out of his mind. Alexander won many battles and ruled much of the world in his time, but he was unable to win the battle with his own spirit. He was defeated by anger.
All of us get angry at times. Anger is an emotion shared by all humans. It can happen anywhere—at home, on the job, at school, or at a business or trading centre. Anger sometimes shows up at leadership meetings (with members, with deacons, with evangelists), church fellowships, and in ministry discussions. Wherever people are, just wait long enough, and you will probably see anger at some point.
Have you ever exploded in anger toward others?
A great questions for us all to answer by ourselves. Most, if not all, of us at times have exploded in anger and wished later we had not done so.
How do we deal with our anger toward others? What is the right way to be angry?
God’s Word has much to say about our anger toward others.
Ephesians 4:25-27
25 Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.
Being a Christian involves learning the right way to be angry toward others. Let us consider only one aspect of this right way.
EXPRESS YOUR ANGER IN A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY
The right way to deal with anger is to express it but in a constructive way. Doing so means we are being honest by God’s standard and we are speaking the truth with one another. Anything outside this, result in sin.
In his book entitled Counseling for Anger, Mark Cosgrove told about George and Jane, a married couple.
Jane was the expressive one; she shared her opinions and dissatisfactions about anything or anyone without hesitation. Jane also tended to lose her temper suddenly. She could be classified as a shouter and a door-slammer.
George was the opposite. He had a calm approach to life. He was concerned about his reputation, so he tried to project an image of being in control of himself and his feelings. He rarely expressed anger in an open way. When George and Jane argued, George tried to remain cool and collected. He was fearful that if he expressed his anger, Jane would become furious and the situation would become even worse.
George never wanted to be as out-of-control as Jane seemed to be when she was angry. However, George got angry on the inside. His anger was real, but it was not expressed. He would only seethe on the inside and mutter to himself when Jane left the room.
George and Jane had two different ways of handling anger. Jane raged openly. George held his emotions in; his way of dealing with anger was to keep it bottled up.
A person who blows up as Jane did is usually more aware of having a problem with anger and is more interested in doing something about it.
A person like George, who keeps anger on the inside, is more difficult to help. Often this person leans toward self-righteousness, being unwilling to admit or deal with the problem of resentment and bitterness.
The Bible encourages us to pursue honesty— to be open and sincere with others. Paul emphasized this by writing, therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another.
Part of being honest is facing our anger toward others and facing it as God wants it.
Most murmurings, grumblings, gossips have their roots in failure to express anger in a constructive way.
The best way to deal with anger is not to swallow it, bury it, or deny it.
Cosgrove said, Anger feelings that are buried can result in transference, which is misplaced anger. The anger is held in temporarily and then redirected away from the initial cause of anger toward some other person or thing.
When a man cannot express his anger toward his boss or his job, he may easily bring it home and express it toward his children. Same thing goes for a woman.
“Unexpressed” anger takes records of wrongs and offenses.
The right way to deal with anger is to express it in a constructive way.
This means learning to speak truthfully to others about it, but not in an attacking way.
Instead, we should express ourselves in the spirit of love, seeking to resolve the issue and restore the relationship.
How can we express anger in a constructive way?
- Go to the person in private. Most of us fail in this aspect. Arrogant pride, self-righteousness, and self-centeredness have blinded us to this great principle and aspect.
This aspect requires a great deal of effort and determination, but it is possible to achieve it because God has commanded it.
1 John 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
1 John 5:16 If anyone sees his brother sinning a sin which does not lead to death, he will ask, and He will give him life for those who commit sin not leading to death.
Refusing to apply this principle, though we may smile at each other, greet each other, but we make calculated efforts to keep distance from the other person, at worst we isolate ourselves. Isolationism is on the rise within the church.
- Talk about the hurt you are feeling instead of discussing who is at fault.
Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.
- Focus on the current problem by not bringing up the past.
1 Corinthians 13:5c ‘love’ keeps no accounts of evil. Referring to records endangers the possibilities of reconciliation.
- Avoid fishing for apologies. Just express feelings.
Sometimes, the offender may never apologize nor recognize his or her offence. Will you wait till eternity for the apology before expressing your feelings constructively and with forgiveness already in your heart?
Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.
Romans 12:14,16,17,19 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse…Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
- Keep a balance between negative and positive statements.
- Do not make threats. Speak quietly and calmly.
- Let the other person respond without interruption.
- Ask how the other person thinks the relationship can be improved
CONCLUSION
People differ in many ways, but we also have much in common. One characteristic we share is the emotion of anger.
What is the right way to be angry? Be honest. Learn to express feelings constructively in order to resolve the anger. Express it, and deal with it in a positive way, especially within the body of Christ
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