Text:        Col. 3:17,19 & 21

By:           Bro. Wilfred Atigbi (Bishop, C.O.C – Grey)

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God has provided us with a marriage “manual“. After all, who is more capable than God, the designer of the home, to write a manual on marriage? The home can survive only if the relationship of husband and wife in the home is what it ought to be.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;” (Ephesians 5:25).

Husbands are the “head of the wife” and as the ruler of the home, he must bear chief responsibility for the failure of it. Where husbands have failed, more often than not, is to love his wives as Christ loved the church and to give himself for the wife as Christ gave Himself for the church. The source of love can be seen in that love as the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22,23). The Spirit strengthens the inward man with power (Eph. 3:14-16).

When Christ dwells in our hearts by faith, we are rooted and grounded in love. (Eph. 3:17-19). We know faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Rom. 10:17). It is not enough for husbands and wives to believe that God exist, that Jesus is His Son, and that the Bible is inspired of God. We need to turn off our TV, sit down with the Bible in hand, pray together, and take the time to put into our minds and hearts the principles of righteousness. It is only when truth prevails, that love, joy, and peace will rule the home.


The role of the husband in the Bible starts with leadership. The Scripture makes it very clear that a husband must be a leader of his home and have healthy control of his life. Considering (1Tim.3:4-5) in speaking of church leadership positions traditionally filled by men, teaches that an Elder must manage his family well in all perspectives.

Verse 5 specifically says, “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” This management is encompassing. Furthering this understanding, (Eph. 5:21-23) says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Again, in (1 Cort. 11:3), the Scripture says, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” Note; this does not make the man a dictator in the home.

One of the primary roles of a husband in the Bible, then, is to lead. Leadership simply means influence. Therefore, a biblically-based husband should influence his family in all respects. Husbands are not dictators, they should not over demand, they should not rule over their wives with heavy hand. Instead, husbands should influence their wives and families in accordance with biblical teaching.

They should exemplify themselves, with their voice and their actions, attributes that bring glory to God and value to their spouse and all family members. The fruit of a good biblically based husband produce strong, confident, spiritually matured wife and Children. To be specific, a husband influences his home through his financial provision and protection of the family.


The chief responsibility of the husband in the Bible starts with leadership, which encompasses provision and protection. A husband will never influence his wife if he does not care for her welfare. He can demand and she may follow as a result, but he will never truly have her heart unless he provides for her needs, cares for her well-being, and protects her both physically and spiritually.

As Scripture says: “Anyone who does not provide for their families, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1Tim. 5:8).
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19).

“Husbands, in the same way is required to be considerate as we live with our wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1Pet.3:7).

God loves His daughters and the children they bear. When He gives one of His daughters to a man, He desires that the man cares for her. In no place does the Scripture teach or endorse that women and children be considered second class or inferior to men. Instead, He finds them so precious that He asks for special care to be given them; a care that only biblically-based men can provide. Women are very capable of taking care of themselves.

However, God did make men and women different and thus due to the physical nature and strength God gave men, He has charged them with the provision and protection of their families. The physical nature and strength of a man is to be managed with grace and gentleness. God did not create men to lord over women nor did he create women to simply wait on men. He made them both to complement each other through healthy relationship. (Gen. 2:18, 1Tim. 3:3). 


The responsibility of the husband in the Bible is fulfilled through the heart of companionship. (Eph. 5:25-33) says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”


The relationship between a husband and wife is meant to be one of love, respect, and support for his family members. He helps and enable all others to keep the home running without friction. This idea is introduced at the beginning of the Bible in the story of the creation of Eve. God saw the need for Adam to have a companion, a suitable helper, yet one could not be found until God created Eve.

(Gen. 2:20-24) says, “…But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”


This also leads to another understanding of responsibility in the home. God created men and women with natural, physical, and emotional differences. Usually where one is weak, the other is strong. Therefore, a husband and wife can help each other by meeting the other person’s needs through physical and emotional intimacy.

(1Cort. 7:2-5) addresses this, “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife not with any other woman. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife. The man does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Husband should not deprive his wife except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that he may devote himself to prayer. Then come to his wife again so that Satan will not tempt him because of lack of self-control.” When the needs of our spouse are properly met through healthy companionship, the two can help each other and can live a successful life together. 


Lastly, husband to work together with his wife as a team leader to develop and grow the family. God’s plan was that every home operates under the specific roles of both a husband and a wife and that through this they raise healthy children who honor God with their lives. Eph. 6:1-3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

‘Honor your father and mother’ which is the first commandment with a promise ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Children are blessed through the honor of their father and mother, working in unison to train them up in the way they should go.

The companionship between a man and a woman is directed by the influence of the husband through his provision and protection and is covered by his caring, gentle, and graceful love for his wife and family.

Without the biblical roles of a husband being fulfilled by a strong man of God, the family unit risks the difficulties brought on by sin and spiritual failure. Satan desires the destruction of the family, but through Christ and proper understanding of biblical roles, the family becomes strong and a safe place to grow in God.


I hope that the concepts I shared will help us understand the biblical responsibility of a husband more clearly than ever before.

Husbands must “honour” the wife.(1 Peter 3:7). Honourmeans “primarily giving proper value, hence, objectively, a price paid.” “Her price is far above money” (Proverbs 31:10). A wife’s value raises serious questions for the husband: (a) Can her worth be seen in the decisions he makes?

(b) Can her worth be seen in his actions? (c) Can her worth be seen in his words? (d) Does he express his appreciation for her? (e) Is what she means to him made known to her? (f) Does he praise her? (Proverbs 31:28) (g) Does he recognize and appreciate her worth (Proverbs 31:29)?

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